BY AVERILL PESSIN
I know the holiday season has arrived and I’m sure your mailbox is exploding with Christmas’s most popular request: A pony.
Santa, please, on behalf of pony moms everywhere, I’m begging you.
Just load that velvet sack with DustBusters and do all the mommies a favor.
What would I like for Christmas? Let me park in your lap for a minute and tell you.
I’d like one day – ONE DAY – that I don’t have to spend $37.50 in gas, getting my kid to the barn.
I would like to come home from work, take my bra off and burn the Kraft Dinner like a regular mom.
I want my car to smell like a cardboard pine tree, not like Chicken McNuggets and the business side of a wheelbarrow.
I would like to buy pants that aren’t the $20 WalMart Special, while my teenager stands there huffing impatiently in her $300 breeches with patented octopus suction-cup grip.
I don’t know what magic keeps my credit card stuck so solidly to her hand at the tack shop, but they ought to patent THAT for knee patch technology.
I love my kid, and goodness knows those ponies are cutey-cute CUTE, but if there are $1000 knee-high boots in my house, they should be mine.
I want to flirt with the handsome trainer, without worrying it will ruin my kid’s chance at the Olympics.
I want my daughter to be happy and she is solidly on the Nice list, but I want my life and my money back.
If you’re going to bring her anything, a college scholarship would be awesome.
Averill Pessin is the owner of the internet’s favorite pony brand, My Barn Child. Shop their website at www.mybarnchild.com