Balancing Motherhood and Horses—and When Your Partner Doesn’t “Get” Your Passion

In the Plaid Horse Adult Amateur Lounge on Facebook, one member brought up her significant other not “getting” horses and complaining about the money she spends on them. Her significant other thinks the riding money should go toward their young children instead. Here are some snippets of the thoughtful conversation that followed…

“Everyone is allowed their time, including him. In order to be a good partner, you must have an identity outside of just being a mom and being a wife.”

“You have plenty of time. Maybe not to show at the highest amateur levels, but to have lots of fun with horses. I’m 70 now and having more fun with mine than ever.”

“By doing what you love, you’re teaching your kids a valuable lesson. That there’s give and take in life and you’re showing them how to create a healthy balance.” 

“You do not have to give up literally everything just so your kids can have more.”

“First of all, marriage and family come first, always. I don’t know where you live, but your child’s education should come first. Give them all the opportunities you can. It’s not about you in this season of life, some days you might be able to ride 3x a week but others maybe not.”

“A child’s education being ‘first’ and a mother’s passion and sanity are not mutually exclusive.”

“You should never give up your passion. Giving everything to your kids only raises entitled kids, not necessarily more successful kids.” 

“Women are often forced to give up their identities in so many ways after having kids and this just seems like another example of that. Having said that, your husband isn’t going to magically come around and love the horses and any resentment is only going to get worse. I would recommend therapy to get an unbiased middleman.”

“I’m the only horsey one in my immediate family, but from the perspective of someone with divorced parents, the kids will know if you’re not happy. I’m just a better human when I get my barn and saddle time, and my inner dragon mare comes out whenever anyone tries to f*ck with that.” 

“I was also a former college admissions counselor, and trust me when I tell you: the kids WILL find their way to nice schools and have productive lives of service and use. There’s just nothing that takes the place of riding. Let the emotions of this situation pass but you hold on tight to those reins and don’t give them up! Best of luck to you and family!”

“Be very careful about making your entire life about your children. Because someday (if you’re lucky) they will leave you. I can’t tell you how many women my age with kids finishing college wish they had held on to the things they were passionate about.”

“I would not be who am I if I didn’t go to the barn and ride, and sounds like you wouldn’t be you without that either.”

“If horses are integral to who you are, your kids should—and deserve to—be a witness to that. They deserve to know YOU.”

“The horses were there for me before the kids and they are still here now the kids are grown. And one of the unexpected bonuses of being a riding mom while my kids were little was that my older son completely took to it and it became a great thing for us to do together.”

Our Plaid Horse Adult Amateur Lounge on Facebook now has 7,000 members and counting. Come join us!

*This story was originally published in the September 2022 issue of The Plaid Horse. Click here to read it now and subscribe for issues delivered straight to your door!

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