By Lauren Mauldin
Lately, there have been signs that I might not be, in fact, a young person anymore.
One weekend at a smaller horse show, they didn’t have enough entries for all 3 age groups of Adult Amateurs, so I found myself being called for the “Older Adults.” But older doesn’t mean old, right?
During an evening lesson with one of our junior riders, I did an exercise well and was told, “She ate! No crumbs!” Petting my horse, slightly bewildered, I replied, “But I’m not hungry?”
And then most recently, I realized that I’ve been riding horses longer than all of our junior riders and assistant trainers have been alive.
I have to face it. I am not a young equestrian. I am solidly middle-aged, and I don’t understand Gen Z slang at all. To help my fellow “older” adult amateurs out, I decided to talk to the young people and work on a simple translation guide for the barn. You know, so we can all be the Rizzard of Oz (I think this is a compliment.)
Ate and left no crumbs
Translation: Rode that course like a queen. Every distance nailed, every transition buttery. Not a hoof out of place. “Did you see her handy round? She ate and left no crumbs.”
Bed rot
Translation: That post-horse-show Monday where you spend 8 hours on the couch eating Cheez-Its and rewatching your rounds from the weekend. “Don’t text me. I’m deep in horse show hangover bed rot.”
Beige flag
Translation: That trainer who always shows up on time, is cordial, and never yells—but also never lets you have any fun either. “His flat lessons are solid, but giving major beige flag.”
Bussin’
Translation: When the horse show food is actually really good, and hits perfectly when you need the boost of protein. “I want to go check out the food truck. Their acai bowl is bussin’.”
Delulu
Translation: When you think your horse is the next Big Eq champion… but he spooks at a puddle and crossrails give him the ick. “I thought we were ready for the 3’6” at WEC, but I was being delulu.”
Drip
Translation: The perfect fit check before your derby—hairnet perfect, shadbelly crisp, boots shining. “Okay, girl. That’s not just show ring ready. That’s drip.”
Girl dinner
Translation: Three Mentos, a Diet Coke, and a granola bar you found in the bottom of your tack trunk. “It’s 2 p.m. and I’ve had a peppermint and three bites of a cold taco. Girl dinner!”
Glow-up
Translation: The formerly awkward five-year-old who used to look like a goat but now wins the hack in the A/O hunters. “Remember when she first got him? That’s a glow-up.”
Let them cook
Translation: That moment when a junior decides to try a challenging bending line and you just watch, hoping they pull it off. “She’s going for the inside-inside turn? Bold. Let her cook.”
Menty b
Translation: Mental breakdown. What happens when your horse throws a shoe warming up for the flat phase, and your trainer is nowhere to be found. “I was having a full-on menty b at the in-gate.”
Mid
Translation: That course where you didn’t chip badly or miss a lead change, but also didn’t do anything memorable. “How was your round?” “Mid.”
Real
Translation: When a barn moment hits your soul, like a quiet hack after a long day. “When your horse nickers when he sees you—ugh, that’s so real.”
Rizz
Translation: The kind of barn charisma that makes everyone listen when you show your perfect helmet hair technique or allows you to get along with the horse that hates everyone. “She got that mare’s hard change? That’s pure rizz.”
Smol
Translation: A small pony braided up in a scrim sheet. Or a weanling with fuzzy ears. “He’s smol and spicy and he kicked my shin, but I still love him.”
Touch grass
Translation: What your trainer wants to tell you after you’ve spent three hours analyzing your eq round on Instagram and texting them all of your feelings instead of, you know, riding. “Lauren. Log off ClipMyHorse and go touch grass. Preferably while walking your horse.”
Wig snatched
Translation: When someone’s inside turn to the two-stride combo leaves everyone speechless. “Her inside track was so slick. Wig = snatched.”
If you’ve made it this far, congrats! You’re basically fluent. Sure, we may not be the target audience for TikTok trends, but we do know how to tack up in the dark, survive off granola bars, and throw a leg over no matter how creaky our knees are. And that, fellow older adults, is a vibe. Periodt.
About the Author: Lauren holds an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from the University of California Riverside, and is a lifelong rider and writer. Through her writing she explores the intersections of mental health, equestrian lifestyle, and healing. She lives in Austin, Texas with her wife and furbabies and shows in the Adult Amateur hunters with her horse, Crusero.
