By Jeris van der Graf
The term “adult ammy” is one some people love and some people hate. Some people are sick of the jokes about how much wine an adult ammy drinks or how they try and get out of the hard work with comments like “I don’t know…he’s looking a bit fresh today!” We see the TikToks and the reels. Some of us laugh, and some of us roll our eyes. But what is it really to be an adult ammy in 2025?
Just like many professionals, I have been riding horses my entire life. I got my first little backyard bred mare at the ripe age of 11 years old, when she was a cute little 2.5-year-old. I had zero business owning that young of a horse, but there I was, and the addiction started.
As childhood flew by and I went to college, I worked nearly full-time hours, was a full-time student, and worked 20+ hours at a barn as a working student to keep my mare. This is when I started to see what being an adult ammy really meant; it took real grit and determination to keep going when you didn’t have the funds to do so.
Like most college kids who become working students, I worked hard to learn what I could and grow as an equestrian. I didn’t grow up with a family to guide me with horse ownership, so I felt years behind. My mom was at every single horse show, cheering me on, but I didn’t have someone there to tell me about proper nutrition or how to properly handle a sassy little mare who started a nasty rearing habit at 4 years old. So you better believe I jumped at the opportunity to become a working student to hopefully gain this important knowledge and be able to afford to keep my horse through college.
Flash forward to 2022, and I had to make the choice of euthanizing my childhood best friend. I had been taught what quality of life was for a horse, so while it was a hard choice to make, I knew that she was no longer comfortable being here.
As we all know, addicts cannot stay away, and thankfully, I was offered to purchase my current OTTB gelding, Gibson, who helped fill the gap created from losing my mare. To this day, he’s still teaching me a lot about horse ownership. I have learned what it takes to develop a horse from straight off the track to being a training-level athlete. We have experienced burn out and we have experienced greatness together. I work two jobs to keep my dreams rolling and make sure I do everything in my power to do right by him.
I have often heard of “if you want it bad enough, you can make it happen,” which is true to an extent, but as an adult ammy I have had to take time to evaluate what that means to me and many others who aren’t able to have the funds or support to make it to the upper levels. It is a phrase that, in my opinion, is rather damaging and can make many of us feel like we aren’t working hard enough and that we need to push more.
As amateurs, we have to determine where that fine line is between pushing ourselves to pure exhaustion and trying to accomplish an achievable goal. It’s easy for those who have achieved big things to say that working hard will get you there, but sadly…things still take money and time to achieve. I want my baby adult ammies to know, you are not a failure if you don’t have the funds, support, or time to become the upper-level rider you wanted to be when you were a teenager. You can still achieve big things on a smaller scale.
At 31, I still have no clue what my “end goal” is with horses. I have found my achievable goals to be things such as reaching training level and schooling up to prelim, which we have achieved. But even so, I still have a lot to learn still… and a lot more fun to have.
Adult ammies are much more than wine lovers who ride horses. Those of us who are bitten by the horse bug but aren’t lucky enough to be pro still put in the work that is needed to own a horse. We dedicate our lives to these beautiful animals. We may not get to ride multiple horses a day or have a full list of shows during show season, but our hearts are there at all times. We make sacrifices to do what we love and give it all we can after finishing a hard day at our jobs.
Not reaching the magnificent levels and show venues doesn’t make us lesser equestrians. There is so much more to gain and learn in the horse world if you slow down and set true, achievable goals for yourself.
At the end of the day, adult ammy is just a phrase, but we make up a big and important part of the horse world, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jeris van der Graaf is an adult rider from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. She has been riding for as long as she can remember, starting in 4-H, moved to the Hunter/jumper world, and now is an eventer. Out of the saddle, her main hobby is photography.
