BY SARAH LOUISE LILLEY
My horse jumped from an epic long spot.
The type of long spot where a slew of expletives just fly uncontrollably out of your mouth!
She landed. I stayed on. We were ok.
But the rest of the lesson was odd…..
I had some lovely jumps but also some weird moments where I was super grabby with my hands…
As I un-tacked, I suddenly realized what happened…
I was underresourced!
An under-resourced system slips into fight, flight, or freeze more quickly and takes longer to recover.
I had said to my trainer that morning, “I’m exhausted. I had a really rough night’s sleep and work is super busy right now.”
After the long spot, my nervous system struggled – toggling between being in protection mode (freeze in my case equaled “locked arms”) and connection mode (safety equaled lovely jumps.)
A resourced nervous system can handle more stress and return to calm faster.
If I had been fully resourced (or taken some time to resource mid-lesson) I would have had more capacity to hold that “scary long spot” and it wouldn’t have thrown my nervous system into a place of protection.
According to Polyvagal Theory the nervous system operates in two modes: protection (when we sense danger) or connection (when we feel safe). And whichever state we’re in, we unconsciously scan for evidence to reinforce it.
The good news is we can learn to shift our state – from protection to connection using body-based tools.
You can work out your nervous system, to build strength and resilience,
just like you work out your cardiovascular or muscular system.
As an EFT Tapping practitioner, I would be remiss if I did not mention Tapping. At its simplest EFT is a stress reduction technique that “taps” cues of safety into your nervous system. Read more about EFT here.
There are lots of macro ways to resource the nervous system – sleep, nutrition, movement, hydration, nature or time with loved ones. But I’m also a fan of micro habits – small, easy-to-implement behavior that requires minimal effort/time but compounds dramatically over time.
#1 Glimmers
A glimmer is a small moment of felt safety that cues the nervous system to safety and connection. They’re the opposite of triggers and are different for everyone.
It could be a horse’s soft nuzzle, the smell of well-worn leather or bright red autumnal leaves against a perfect blue sky.
It’s important to feel it. Can you allow yourself to luxuriate in it for 5-10 seconds? Can you savor it for a few breaths?
The negativity bias is part of our wiring. It was much more important for our ancestors to remember where the tiger attacked us, than where those delicious berries were.
However, every time you intentionally collect glimmers, you counteract that bias, you teach your nervous system that the world’s a safe place.
“We are wired to detect danger – but we can practice noticing safety.”
- Deb Dana, Anchored
My clients find glimmer exercises particularly useful at shows. Competition naturally activates the nervous system so orienting to your space and finding cues of safety is a powerful practice.
#2 Compliments
How often has a trainer said something like, “The oxer was lovely” and you deflect with “Yeah, but that outside line was really awkward…”
Or maybe a barnmate says, “You looked great today” and you reflexively return the compliment, “You guys looked amazing!”
Can you just say thank you?
We are wired to remember the mistakes over the wins but if you accept that compliment you gently override that bias, giving your brain evidence of success and progress.
When you let a compliment really land, your brain gets to register ‘I did something well,’ and your body gets to feel ‘I’m safe and supported.’ Your nervous system quietly builds the confidence and resilience you’ll draw on the very next time you ride.
#3 Embrace the 1%
The nervous system does not like change. It likes predictability and safety. That is why committing to 1% improvements is so effective, your nervous system trusts the process and you build capacity for more success.
When you name and celebrate those small wins – the two steps of a leg yield, the smoother transition, the softness in those 3 canter strides – your nervous system gets a clear message. “This is safe. This is working. We can handle more.”
As James Clear says in Atomic Habits:
“Success is the product of daily habits, not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.”
Each small win becomes a micro-resource, a little deposit in your internal confidence bank.
When you intentionally build these tiny moments of safety into your day – glimmers, compliments, small wins – you’re not just “being positive.” You’re building a foundation of internal safety. You’re training your nervous system to trust you, to find steadiness, and to return to calm more quickly.
Confidence is not mindset, it is safety in the nervous system
Over time, those micro-resources add up. You become more resilient, with the capacity to meet the unexpected with clarity instead of reactivity. You become the rider who can hold a long spot without spiraling, take a deep breath in the warm-up ring, and recover quickly when something unexpected happens.
That’s the kind of confidence that supports both you and your horse.
Sarah Louise Lilley is a clinical EFT practitioner who helps equestrians overcome fear, blocks, and trauma – both in and out of the saddle. A sought-after coach, speaker, and guest on numerous equestrian podcasts she’s known for her holistic, heart-centered approach that empowers riders to release the root causes of anxious thinking and limiting beliefs. Through her work, Sarah equips equestrians with tools to cultivate ease, trust, and clarity – so they can ride with confidence. Struggling with riding anxiety? Download her FREE 10-minute “Fearless & Free” Tapping Audio at EmotionalFreedomwithSarah.com, or come say hi on Instagram @SarahLouiseLilley.
