By DANIEL STEWART
The best thing about having it all, is knowing you already do!
Any day spent with a horse is bound to be a good day, because each and every one of those days will be filled with endless learning experiences and memorable opportunities. Unfortunately, sometimes it can be a bit tricky to see those opportunities for what they are, or even worse, mistakenly view them as obligations, and it can all start with a few innocent words, called obligation-creation phrases, that we might unintentionally say to ourselves.
As equestrians we love riding, and we’re excited because we get to go to the barn, but if we’re not mindful of our thoughts we might unintentionally say or think something like, “I have to ride,” or “I need to go to the barn.” Unfortunately, while it just might seem like two different ways of saying the same thing, it can actually make a big difference to the way our brains interpret those experiences because phrases like “have to” and “need to” encourage our brains to view those opportunities as obligations—as things we have to do. Things we have no choice or control over. Things we must do. In the field of self-dialogue, this is the perfect example of how little things can really make a big difference!
Good news is there’s a way to train our brains to always appreciate the opportunities our horses and sport provide us, while also avoiding any feelings of stress that can be caused by living our lives with seemingly endless obligations. We can develop the habit of replacing obligation-creation phrases like have to and need to with more positive alternatives like: get to, want to, like to or love to. For example, “I have to ride” becomes “I get to ride,” or “I want to ride.” Likewise, “I have to go to the barn” becomes “I like to go to the barn,” or “I love to go to the barn.” You can even substitute have-to or need-to phrases with going to. “I have to go to the barn,” simply becomes “I’m going to go to the barn.” No obligation creation and, therefore, no perceived pressure of having to do things outside our control.
While this technique might seem a little lackluster in the potential to impart any real mental impact, it’s important to remember that our brains are always looking for a reason to give priority to the negative things happening in our lives (called the negativity bias). So if simply swapping
a few words can tilt our emotional balance back into a positive direction then perhaps we should all give it a try. Left unchecked, we can say obligation creating phrases more than 100 times a day, which just gives our brains the permission to turn 100 opportunities into 100 obligations. It might only take a few seconds to utter, “I have to lunge my horse and I need to clean my tack,” but those words can clearly alter the intended meaning of the messages. If the positive replacement words don’t quite do the trick, try adding a positive follow-up sentence to your new phase like, “I like to clean my tack, because I find it relaxing,” or “I love to work on my transitions, because dressage makes me a better jumper!”
Studies have shown that replacing obligation-creation phrases with get to, want to, like to, love to or going to can also help us avoid taking things for granted because they remind us to be thankful for the experiences we share with our horses. So, this week remember that to fly you don’t have to give up what weighs you down. You get to, want to, like to, love to and are going to. Give up what weighs you down; and don’t just leave this trick at the barn. We develop mental and physical skills at the barn that can have a positive influence in our everyday lives. So remember, you get to load the dishwasher, and you love taking out the trash!
I hope you enjoyed this month’s Pressure Proof tip. If you’re a visual learner and enjoy my mental coaching messages please consider signing up for my self-paced online equestrian sport psychology course. It contains 30 uplifting and motivational videos, each with it’s own written recap and quiz to test your understanding. The program costs $250 and you can register here: https://daniel-stewart-s-school.teachable.com/p/equestrian-sport-psychology
Daniel Stewart has been an equestrian for over 35 years and has coached riders all over the world for the past 25. Combining his knowledge as an equestrian with a degree in physical education, he created an empowering series of clinics that help riders develop strong minds and bodies. As the internationally acclaimed author of Pressure Proof Your Riding, Ride Right, Fit and Focused in 52, and Bolder Braver Brighter; he’s widely considered one of the world’s leading experts on equestrian sport psychology, athletics, and performance. He teaches clinics to thousands of riders each year, is a sough-after keynote speaker, has published countless magazine articles, and is an equestrian sport psychology and rider fitness contributor for many other equestrian associations.
A father of two, when not teaching clinics, he runs four-day equestrian athlete training camps, produces weekly mental coaching and rider fitness videos and hosts instructor certification classes and college lectures.
